RAM: Guide to Balance in a Relationship

How can we avoid falling in love with a jerk? Could it be that we set our self up for failure in a relationship? John Van Epp, author of How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, provides a model we can use. He states that there are 5 factors involved in developing a healthy relationship. They are know, trust, rely on, commitment to, and touch (sexual involvement). He believes that we need to build upon each step. If you look at the picture below, you will see that it looks like a panel used in a music room. The idea is that we can move each of the factors up representing the fluidity that is in a relationship. The key is that you cannot move to the next step until the previous stop is high. You must now the person before you can trust them. You must trust before you can rely. Jumping straight to sexual involvement means you have touch but you have no basis of knowing or trusting the other person. The article below explains in greater depth the theory behind RAM.

http://universe.byu.edu/2013/04/16/relationship-model-teaches-trust-before-touch/ 

Marriage Is Essential

Our Heavenly Father has created a plan for us whereby we can gain experience to become like Him. He wants us to have the greatest joy and that joy is found in being like Him. The Plan of Salvation began as we lived with our Father in Heaven before this life. There each and every one of us lived as a family. We learned that we would come to Earth; we would be in a family unit just like we had been in before this life. Here we would learn and grow together as a family. We could receive ordinances so that when we die, our bonds as a family will not be broken but we could continue to live as a family. Everything in His plan centers on the family.

Sister Burton, former Relief Society General President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, taught,

“In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have a theology of the family that is based on the Creation, the Fall, and the Atonement. The Creation of the earth provided a place where families could live. God created a man and a woman who were the two essential halves of a family. It was part of Heavenly Father’s plan that Adam and Eve be sealed and form an eternal family.

The Fall provided a way for the family to grow. Adam and Eve were family leaders who chose to have a mortal experience. The Fall made it possible for them to have sons and daughters.

The Atonement allows for the family to be sealed together eternally. It allows for families to have eternal growth and perfection. The plan of happiness, also called the plan of salvation, was a plan created for families. The rising generation need to understand that the main pillars of our theology are centered in the family.”

Families are important to our happiness. They are a gift from our loving Heavenly Father. Living in a family can be challenging since we all have different personalities. However, it is also rewarding. You grow as you learn forgiveness, love, patience, and mercy. You have a support system to help you with challenges arise. You have people who will always love you. You catch a small glimpse of the way that your Heavenly Father feels about you as you learn to be like Him. I know that families are not perfect because none of us are perfect. Some may be completely dysfunctional or broken. No matter our background or past experience, I know that through the Savior we can have the family that we desire. 

To read more of Sister Burton's talk, follow this link. https://www.lds.org/ensign/2011/03/teaching-the-doctrine-of-the-family?lang=eng   

Led to the Passionate Life

Today will be the final post I make as part of this series on work ethic. I hope that you have been able to learn something about yourself. At the beginning of the series, I wrote that I would explain how I came to be in my current major as a Family and Consumer Sciences Education major. It is only upon looking back at the past, that I have been able to understand what has led me to this point. Part of my time as a missionary was spent in an area that had a lot of poverty. I went into homes where people did not have enough money for food but they had enough to buy pop and candy. I would watch as they ate unhealthy foods simply because they did not know better. I saw parents who did not know the basics of parenting. The saddest part is that they were doing better than their own parents. It created a desire in me to teach people basic skills that would enable them to improve their life. A budget could help them have enough money for basics of life. Meal planning and nutrition could provide better health. I realized I needed to be in this area so it would create a desire to make a difference.

 I came home from my mission with a desire to work with those in poverty. I also loved teaching. I fell in love with it on my mission. That led me to the home and family field. I was debating between FCS and Marriage and Family Studies. I thought that the Marriage and Family Studies would enable me to make a difference. As I began to take the introductory class, I hated it. I came to realize that I would not be happy to listen to people’s problems and see them not fix it. I needed to decide on a new major so it came between Child Development, Elementary Education, and FCS ed. I was praying and I kept having the thought to be a teacher. It was a leap of faith for me to decide on Education for some personal reasons. I finally decided on FCS ED because I loved that subject in high school. I never thought I would teach high school one day but I am excited. I hope to inspire students at a pivotal point in their life. As I took the introductory class, I realized that I will be able to give students the tools needed to change their life. I can be part of preventive movement to prevent problems in student’s lives.

There have been other small steps that have led me to this point. I firmly believe that God is actively involved in our lives. He cares about us. He has given us gifts and talents that allow us to bless the lives of those around us. As we look back on our lives, we will see His hand guiding us to where we need to be. He can teach us gifts and talents that we have. I was praying that I would be led to a career where I could use my gifts and talents. I see that the FCS Ed career allows me to use gifts and talents I have been given. He will lead you to a place where you can be happy. The most important thing is to realize that you create a happiness. You cannot rely on others to bring happiness. You create your own weather. 

Your Valyou!

What kind of experience did you have in doing your personality statement? I hope that you were able to learn something new about yourself. Hopefully you learned what makes you unlike any one else in the world. As we understand this truth, we will not be afraid of what others may think. We will be able to be who we truly are. An important part of understanding who we are is understanding our values. A value is a deeply set belief that influences everything that we do. As you understand your values, you can understand what makes you tick. You will understand what you need in a job to be happy.

1.       Read through the list and make a list of every one of the values that you feel is important.

2.       Mark each of the values as either most important, often important, or sometimes important. Limit most important to only 10 items.

Now you can see things that make your life fulfilled. This activity helped me understand things that guide me. I understood what things are most important to my life. You can then make decisions that are line with your values. Now the next step is to do the same thing except you are doing it in regards to work.

1.       Go through the list and make a list of every item that is important to your work life.

2.       Prioritize the list as you did in step 2.

Hopefully you can see how your values and personality are connected. Did you see how any of your values have subconsciously influenced your life? I learned that discipline is a big value in my life. I a consistently seeking self-mastery so I can be better. I want to be in control of my life and not allow anyone else to take that place.

List courtesy of  www.metcalf-associates.com 

Your Unique Personality

One would never think that it would take so much work to learn who you were. I guess if we knew we knew everything about our self we would grow bored. One of the things that makes life so grand is the continual process of learning and discovering what makes each of us unique. The last two exercises have hopefully helped you discover a little bit about what makes you unique. This next exercise can really challenge you. The idea is to take the last two activities and build upon them to create a personality statement. The idea of a personality statement is to create a short message that would allow you to present yourself to an employer or when networking. You will take the personality characteristics you identified and use them to introduce yourself. You cannot merely state characteristics but you must demonstrate them. This is where the key accomplishments come into play. This assignment will help you see how you demonstrate strengths. We do not show characteristics in the same way. You may discover further talents that you have.

Here is a short example of my personality statement. I am a highly organized individual. I plan to accomplish assignments and projects a couple of days before they are due. I seek to manage my time so I can complete the optimal amount of work. This allows me to save time and energy.

Did you learn anything new about yourself? Have you been able to see how you are unique? Remember that there is no one else like you. There are specific things that only you can do.

Discovering Your Personality

Part of discovering your passion is to learn your personality. If we do not know who we are, how can we expect to choose a career or major that we will love if we do not know what we love? The key accomplishments are meant to help you discover characteristics that make up you. In the next part of the assessment you will take your key accomplishments and discover personality characteristics.

1.   Read through the paragraphs you created for key accomplishments.
2.  Reread your paragraphs searching for characteristics shown in your paragraphs. If a characteristic is mentioned more than once, mark each additional time.
3.  Make a list of characteristics.
4. Search this list and add additional characteristics.

I know that at times I can struggle to find strengths that I have in myself. If you struggle as well, ask a friend, coworker, or family member to point out strengths that you have. They can see you in a way that you often cannot.

I learned some characteristics that were common throughout my paragraphs were organization, obedient, studious, and spiritual. As I look at these characteristics, I understand how they will benefit my choice of major. A teacher needs to be organized in creating lesson plans, collecting material, and having an efficient classroom. Obedience will help me to follow school procedures and policies. A teacher needs to be studious. I will need to constantly learn new updates, learn new management principles, and find new ways to teach the students. My spiritual side can help me remember my purpose in teaching. I can receive direction in reaching my students. What were your top four characteristics?

Courtesy of  http://www.professional-resume-example.com/personality-traits.html  

The Road of Self Discovery: Key Accomplishments

As a college student, the pressure to select a major creates a lot of pressure. We want to select the perfect major immediately. I know that this was my case. I can be a bit of a perfectionist in my life. I do not like making mistakes which is one of the reasons I did not declare a major my first year of college. I want a perfect job and perfect major. I eventually selected a major after a long process that is a fit for me. I hope that this process can help you find a major that will enable you to use your gifts and talents to bless the lives of those around us. As I blog the process to discovering your passion which can give you a direction, I will explain how I came to decide on my major in Family and Consumer Science Education.  These evaluations will require you to be honest. If you are not honest with yourself, how can you expect to discover yourself? Grab a notebook and begin to write the thoughts and impressions that come to your mind.

The first step is discovering key accomplishments. These are achievements in your life that have brought you a sense of achievement and joy.

1.     1.  Fill out the chart with all of the different achievements in your life.

2.       2. Select your top 5 achievements.

3.       3.Write a paragraph about the experience. Be descriptive. Write down the steps and attributes you exercised in achieving that accomplishment.

Here is one of my examples. I served an 18 month mission for my church. This is the greatest accomplishment of my life. I have always wanted to serve a mission but I knew that it was conditional if it was the Lord’s will. I prayed and fasted to know if it was right. As I watched a video on missionary work, I received a prompting it was right. I met with my Bishop (our local church leader) who interviewed me to see if I was worthy to serve a mission. I made appointments to meet with my dentist and doctor to obtain medical approval that I had the needed health to serve a mission. I submitted my mission papers. I prepared in many ways. On the mission I was obedient as I lived by a rigorous structure. I learned patience with myself and others. I learned to let go of my fears and trust that God would give me what I needed. I learned to find joy in every moment as I walked hills, trudged through snow, braced wind advisory weather, and walked through blazing heat. I demonstrated persistence as I never gave up but kept going. The greatest feeling came as I stepped off the airplane and saw my family there waiting for me. There was a great high as I knew that I gave everything I had to the Lord.

Post your #1 achievement and the attributes you exhibited in reaching that accomplishment. 

Age	School	Work	Family & friends	Hobbies & personal interests	Church
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