RAM: Guide to Balance in a Relationship

How can we avoid falling in love with a jerk? Could it be that we set our self up for failure in a relationship? John Van Epp, author of How to Avoid Falling in Love with a Jerk, provides a model we can use. He states that there are 5 factors involved in developing a healthy relationship. They are know, trust, rely on, commitment to, and touch (sexual involvement). He believes that we need to build upon each step. If you look at the picture below, you will see that it looks like a panel used in a music room. The idea is that we can move each of the factors up representing the fluidity that is in a relationship. The key is that you cannot move to the next step until the previous stop is high. You must now the person before you can trust them. You must trust before you can rely. Jumping straight to sexual involvement means you have touch but you have no basis of knowing or trusting the other person. The article below explains in greater depth the theory behind RAM.

http://universe.byu.edu/2013/04/16/relationship-model-teaches-trust-before-touch/ 

Marriage Is Essential

Our Heavenly Father has created a plan for us whereby we can gain experience to become like Him. He wants us to have the greatest joy and that joy is found in being like Him. The Plan of Salvation began as we lived with our Father in Heaven before this life. There each and every one of us lived as a family. We learned that we would come to Earth; we would be in a family unit just like we had been in before this life. Here we would learn and grow together as a family. We could receive ordinances so that when we die, our bonds as a family will not be broken but we could continue to live as a family. Everything in His plan centers on the family.

Sister Burton, former Relief Society General President of The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, taught,

“In The Church of Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints, we have a theology of the family that is based on the Creation, the Fall, and the Atonement. The Creation of the earth provided a place where families could live. God created a man and a woman who were the two essential halves of a family. It was part of Heavenly Father’s plan that Adam and Eve be sealed and form an eternal family.

The Fall provided a way for the family to grow. Adam and Eve were family leaders who chose to have a mortal experience. The Fall made it possible for them to have sons and daughters.

The Atonement allows for the family to be sealed together eternally. It allows for families to have eternal growth and perfection. The plan of happiness, also called the plan of salvation, was a plan created for families. The rising generation need to understand that the main pillars of our theology are centered in the family.”

Families are important to our happiness. They are a gift from our loving Heavenly Father. Living in a family can be challenging since we all have different personalities. However, it is also rewarding. You grow as you learn forgiveness, love, patience, and mercy. You have a support system to help you with challenges arise. You have people who will always love you. You catch a small glimpse of the way that your Heavenly Father feels about you as you learn to be like Him. I know that families are not perfect because none of us are perfect. Some may be completely dysfunctional or broken. No matter our background or past experience, I know that through the Savior we can have the family that we desire. 

To read more of Sister Burton's talk, follow this link. https://www.lds.org/ensign/2011/03/teaching-the-doctrine-of-the-family?lang=eng