In-laws: Adding Spice to Life

I want you to think about your last name or your maiden name. Ask yourself this question. What does it mean to be a (insert your last name)? What does it mean to be a Willis? It means having a very strange sense of humor. It means trips to the mountains. It means trying new things. It means a love of dirt biking. It means having bounteous traditions created over the years. Each and every family has its own personal recipe that distinguishes it from any other family. However it becomes hard when in-laws enter the picture. In-laws present new theories and ideas that test the constitution. They may not like dirt biking. They may not think my family is very funny. Soon the in-laws can be seen as outlaws. Having in-laws is a blessing. They provide new methods to an old recipe to make it even better. How can one accept in-laws? Here are some suggestions for adapting to a changing recipe. This list applies to parents in regards to in-laws, siblings to new in-laws, and to your new in-laws.

·         Trust the choice that they have made in marrying this person.

·         You need to work towards establishing a relationship with your new in-law. Respect and love them. Try to find a balance of self-disclosure and acceptance. You are family now.

·         As parents or the new in-law, view the new set of parents as an additional set of protectors who can help your child  or you with guidance and advice. Inquire about their in-laws health. Avoid competing with your spouse. 

·         Pray to be able to love your new in-law. Pray to see them the way that the Lord sees them.

·         Be understanding of the fact that they cannot do everything with you anymore. They will have to find a balance between both sets of families. Be understanding that they will have to refuse some activities in order to achieve balance.

·         Don’t give advice.

·         Don’t criticize.

·         Do not pin them down to a specific reason why they will not be attending a specific event.

·         No criticizing or disciplining if grandchildren. Your family member is now creating their own recipe.

·          Do not have unclear or indirect communication.

·         Accept differences in your family. Having differences in your family allows you to gain new perspective.

·         Spend quality time with your new in-laws. Seek to have one on one time that is positive.

A lady once explained what each in-law contributed to their family. One of her daughter-in-laws is a talented photographer. Another son-in-law helps them figure out technology. Each in-law makes your family better. Each in-law adds spice to the recipe of life. A recipe can always become better. That is what happens when in-laws are embraced into the family.