Oxen, Unity, and Happiness

I have always been fascinated by the pioneers. I loved the stories of faithful men and women leaving behind their life in favor of taming a wild frontier. Many came by wagons carried by teams of horses or oxen. Horses may have been faster than oxen yet they often ran out of strength. Oxen were a slow and steady team that made it to the valley. The key to the oxen’s success was that they worked in harmony consistently pressing forward. President Packer gave an account of an ox team pulling contest. He said, “A wooden sledge was weighted with cement blocks: ten thousand pounds [4,535 kg]—five tons. … The object was for the oxen to move the sledge three feet [91 cm]. … I noticed a well-matched pair of very large, brindled, blue-gray animals … [the] big blue oxen of seasons past. Teams were eliminated one by one. … The big blue oxen didn’t even place! A small, nondescript pair of animals, not very well matched for size, moved the sledge all three times. The big blues were larger and stronger and better matched for size than the other team. But the little oxen had better teamwork and coordination. They hit the yoke together. Both animals jerked forward at exactly the same time and the force moved the load.” In marriage we are two different sized oxen yet we can still move our marriage and family forward. The important thing is to work together as a team.

Marion G. Romney said, “Remember that neither the wife nor the husband is the slave of the other. Husbands and wives are equal partners, particularly Latter-day Saint husbands and wives.” A marriage is a partnership between a man and a woman. One spouse is not more important than the other spouse. Both partners contribute special gifts and talents to a marriage that benefit the entire family.

 I look to my parents as an example of unity in marriage. As children we always knew how to play our parents. When they were not united, we played them to get what we wanted. However when they were united as one on decisions, we could not play them to get what we wanted. Unity led our family to push onto the West together with the oxen pulling the load. “It is important that parents work together in their leadership in the family... It is vital that parents support each other in the presence of their children…It is important that parents make sure that they are working together and making decisions that are consistent with each other. Except in cases of abuse, passively not supporting the other parent or actively undermining the authority of the other parent causes serious damage to children” (Richard B Miller).

One may ask how they can be united. President Joseph Fielding Smith gave this advice.

Parents… should love and respect each other, and treat each other with respectful decorum and kindly regard, all the time. The husband should treat his wife with the utmost courtesy and respect. The husband should never insult her; he should never speak slightly of her, but should always hold her in the highest esteem in the home, in the presence of their children… The wife, also, should treat the husband with the greatest respect and courtesy. Her words to him should not be keen and cutting and sarcastic. She should not pass slurs or insinuations at him… Then it will be easy for the parents to instill into the hearts of their children not only love for their fathers and their mothers, not only respect and courtesy towards their parents, but love and courtesy and deference between the children at home.

May we become more united as a couple. No matter the difference in size, a couple can push forward as they work in teamwork. Working as a team you can figuratively press forward to the West. Happiness will illuminate your family. You will find greater peace and happiness than you have ever known.