A Chapter View or a Story View?

How often do we become frustrated with those around us? How often do we say things in the heat of the moment without knowing the full story? As humans we can only see things from our own perspective. It is like only knowing a chapter from a book. We do not understand the full plot because we only know one part of the book. In Jane Eyre I remember so intensely disliking Mr. Rochester. He was angry and rude. He did not truly care for anyone. He had a string of mistresses. As I learned his story, my feelings toward him became to change. My heart broke as I learned that he was tricked into marrying a woman who was mad. My heart broke as I read of the deception of Mr. Rochester’s father and brother in arranging this marriage. Mr. Rochester was in an impossible situation. As I continued to learn more of his story, I came to admire him caring for his mad wife. He eventually risks his life to save her. As I came to know the full story, I came to change my attitude and opinion of Mr. Rochester. By the end of the book, I was rooting for him and Jane to marry. I was blind to the true nature of Mr. Rochester as I only knew part of his story. Our feelings and thoughts change as we come to understand the story from their point of view. Understanding the full story makes a difference in how we feel and react.

In marriage we are understanding to situations and events surrounding our life for we know the full story. We understand why we were running late.  However we do not extend that same compassion to our spouse. When they run late to dinner, we think of how irresponsible they are. We become angry and frustrated with them. We forget that we have done the same thing. We do not extend compassion and mercy as they have done to us. We only see the chapter instead of the story. We are so good at seeing only the chapter. We hold judgement against them. We need to have compassion and charity for our spouse. We need to see the full story. In his book Drawing Heaven into Your Marriage Dr. H Wallace Goddard says we need to change our thoughts. We need to go from thinking about our self to thinking of our spouse. We need to ask questions so we may see the full story.

These are questions that open our eyes only to the chapter:

Why are you doing this to me?

What’s wrong with you?

Don’t you understand why this is important to me?

These are questions that allow us to see the full chapter.

I wonder if I can understand why this is important to my partner?

What is my partner really telling me?

I wonder if I can understand her pain?

Can I get God to help me get beyond myself in order to understand my spouse?

True friendship is mercy, compassion, and forgiveness. It is reaching beyond yourself to help someone else.

This video is an excellent example of a woman who only saw a chapter.

May we all have a little more compassion. May we all be a little more understanding. May we all be more open to the full story of someone else’s life.