As I have thought about what to write this week, my mind
keeps going back to a lady I taught while I served a mission for the Church of
Jesus Christ of Latter-day Saints. The lady’s name is Diane. Diane is in her
early seventies. She married young and then at the young age of 40 her husband
died; she has been a widow for nearly 35 years. As we talked and came to know
her, the most beautiful expression would come across her face as she talked
about her husband. You could feel the love she had for her husband enter the
room. You could sense the love that he had for her as well. I learned so much
about true love from Diane. The way she spoke created a desire in me to have a
marriage like the one she had. After several lessons my companion and I asked her
if she had any advice on marriage. What followed was one of the most powerful
lessons on my mission. She gave advice on having a marriage that is filled with
love- true love.
1. She said to love your spouse. You never know what day
will be your last day with them. Every moment we have with them is precious
time. We should never waste that precious time. Even when they drive us crazy,
we need to love them. This meant a lot from Diane. Even today she treasures
those moments with her husband. They were never able to have children so the
memories of her husband is all she has left. We need to live everyday as though
it could be our last one together on this Earth.
2. She said to marry someone special. She said that we were
special young ladies and that we should never settle for less than a special
young man. We needed to marry someone that we could love and respect. Each of
us should never settle for anything less than a special young man or woman.
Each of deserve someone whom we can love and cherish and who will love and
cherish us in return. In other words you need to marry your best friend. Remember on those hard days those reasons why
you chose your spouse. Imagine your life if they were not there by your side. We
so often see the bad that we cease to see the good in those we love. We forget
to love our spouse. One month on my mission my companion and I were given a
challenge that helped us to love one another. Each night after planning for the
next day we were to make a list of 5 things that we loved about each other. The
catch was we could not repeat any attribute. Our mission president’s wife said
that we were the happiest companionship. We were happy because there was no
room for the bad. Instead of seeing the bad, we were focusing on finding new
things that we love and admired about one another. We were building up one
another instead of tearing one another down. On those days we were frustrated with one
another, we would be reminded about what we loved about one another. It made a
difference to see the good in each other.
3. The final thing Diane taught was that love is about
sacrifice. Diane said was that she would live in a tent by river if it meant
she could have her husband back. She would give up everything to have one more
moment with him. One of the most beautiful parts about the gospel is that our
families can be together forever. True marriage is happiness. From Diane I
learned the beauty that comes from marriage. Love can be eternal.
People may wonder if true love really exists. I
know it does. It is not the fancy passionate love that Hollywood depicts. It is
two people growing more in love each day. It is watching a ninety year old wife
lovingly ask her ill husband if he is okay. Letting him know that she is there.
It is still loving someone after 35 years of widowhood. It is caring for
another when illness or sorrow comes. Bruce C. Hafen said: ‘Be friends first
and sweethearts second. Lowell Bennion once said that relationships between
young men and young women should be built like a pyramid. The base of the
pyramid is friendship. And the ascending layers are built of things like time,
understanding, respect, and restraint. Right at
the top of the pyramid is a glittering little mystery called romance. And when
weary travelers in the desert see that glitter on top of the pyramid from far
off, they don’t see what underlies the jewel to give it such prominence and
hold it so high’ (“The Gospel and Romantic Love,” in Brigham Young University
1982–83 Fireside and Devotional Speeches [1983], 32).”
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