I Love You Warts and All

“For a marriage to go forward happily, you need to pardon each other and give up on past resentments. This can be hard to do, but it is well worth it,” said Gottman in The Seven Principles for Making Marriage Work. Each of us do and say things that are annoying or frustrating to other people particularly our spouse. Gottman continues, “I have found that couples who have remained happily married for many years are able to enjoy each other- foibles and all- because of the strength of their fondness and admiration… Through the course of their marriages, they had learned to view their partners’ shortcomings and oddities as amusing parts of the whole package of their spouse’s character and personality.” Each of us is not a perfectly painted masterpiece. We are more like a puzzle that is made up of hundreds of little pieces. Each little piece fits perfectly with another piece until an entire picture is formed. Each piece represents an attribute, trait, or habit that we have. There are times in which we only focus on our spouse’s one trait or habit which is like focusing on one piece. We become frustrated with them. We are missing the fact that each piece completes the puzzle that makes our spouse. We need to look at the whole puzzle or as Gottman would say loving the whole package. As we see our whole spouse, we love them- faults and all. They in return do the same thing to us.   

Gottman says, "Somehow couples such as these have learned to mellow about their partner's faults... Whatever issue they are discussing, they give each other the message that they love and accept each other, 'warts and all.'" We are not the perfect prince or princess. Each of us have warts on covering us. However we can learn to love those warts. One day we will be perfect but until then we are to patiently love our spouse. Remember that as you look at the warts on your spouse’s face that you to have a few warts. Not one of us is wart free but one day we will. Until then we are to love our frog with patience and understanding. We are to love the entire package.