Romance: What Is It Really?

In the world today we are taught that romance is the knight in shining, the man who sweeps us off the feet, and a man who ignites fire in our soul. Hollywood seeks to show that romance is a scene worthy of any movie. It is expensive gifts, candle lit dinners, and giant gestures of love. The question we may have is this truly romance? What is true romance? John M Gottman would argue that romance is not overly huge romantic gestures but the quiet things we do daily. He says, “[Romance] is kept alive each time you let your spouse know he or she is valued during the grind of everyday life.” In fact he would say that romance is the shopping trip the husband and wife make to the supermarket or calling your spouse when you know they are having a hard day. True romance is when a husband and a wife turn toward one another each and every day. Romance is knowing that we are valued by someone. It is knowing that this person truly knows us and cares about us. It is feeling cherished. You can have someone who buys you beautiful diamond necklaces but what does that mean if he does not take the time to listen to you? Most of us would rather have someone who listens to us and values us.

The first time I saw this video I was touched. Some may argue that this is not romance. However I believe Dr. Gottman would argue that this is real romance. You see the romance as the couple turn toward one another. The husband saw the way in which his wife wanted to dance. He took the time to quietly brush her hair. He did things even though it was not easy for him. He turned toward his spouse by serving her. You could see in the wife’s eyes the love she has for him. When things became tough, they stayed together.  

Turning towards one another can be hard. It is requiring that we do not think about our self. It requires us to put someone’s needs above our own.  True romance comes as we pay the price to love someone before our self. I will admit that it is hard to put other’s thoughts, feelings, and needs before our own. However it is always worth it for we grow in our love.